we're blogging at a bar
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
