At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
