I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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