Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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