I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
