i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
