I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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