My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
