highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize