If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
