I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
