beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
