I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
