I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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