It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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