i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
