I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
