They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
