This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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