it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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