so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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