just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize