he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
