remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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