fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
