I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
