dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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