I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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