Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
