She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
