I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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