did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
