So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
