every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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