we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
