you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
