I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Randomize
