I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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