Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
