Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
