would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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