I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
