"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
