Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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