I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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