Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
