Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
