If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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