got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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