Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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