hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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