So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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