just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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