so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
