Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
