pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I fill condoms, not promises.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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