I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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