his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
