I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
