I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
