When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
