Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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